Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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