and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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