I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Did I show you my penis last night?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
