I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Go christen that room with your naked body.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
