just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
