Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Randomize
