He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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