Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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