I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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