Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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