Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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