god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
