Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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