if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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