Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
