If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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