You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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