i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
