My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
