Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Damn victory sex feels great
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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