I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
