I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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