Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
