I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
