Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
