Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
