I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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