Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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