i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
