i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
