Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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