Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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