Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
