I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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