look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The chlamydia really affected his face.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
