I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
