im about as happy as oj after his trial
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
