But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
