when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
