I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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