Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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