Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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