I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
