Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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