I just pynch a tree in the face
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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