thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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