We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
