Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
