I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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