I can't watch pbs sober anymore
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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