so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
