Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
